Good Morning Shogunate,

Being unprepared to see my assassins so early in the morning, I was
foolishly caught in the Quincy Dining Hall. With some reading material
and Apple Jacks, I was set to wait them out in the dining hall, despite
that pesky section this morning. However, after half an hour my desire to
be in the dining hall for the rest of the day had waned. I arranged for
logistical help using the pay phone in the lobby, and made my plan for
escape. One friend brought me a towel and offered to carry my stuff,
while another propped open the basement door from the kitchen. I tried to
warn the Four Horseman that they wouldn't like what they saw, but they
refused to budge. I proclaimed, "But I don't shave my legs OR my armpits.
Really. I'm pretty crunchy." But, they would have none of it. With the
clock ticking on response papers and readings, I decided to go for it.
Shedding my towel and fleece jacket, I exposed my hairy legs and armpits
then fled down the stairs. Thanks to my friend's brilliant propping open
of the door, I was able to kick out the prop. Unbeknownst to my
assailants, the door locks when closed. As I escaped down the tunnel, I
could hear the joyous sounds of their frustration at the locked door. I
wrapped the towel back around me, and made it up to my room without anyone
seeing me.

After all, it's Good Friday. It's the least I could do for Jebus.

-Joanie